How to Cope With the Fear of Childbirth

While pregnancy brings so much joy and excitement, the anticipation and fear of childbirth can feel like a dark cloud on your pregnancy journey. In movies and TV shows, childbirth is often portrayed as the mother screaming and the partner frantically trying to calm them down. You have most likely seen it as this fast-paced thing where the water breaks, they rush to the hospital, everyone is a bit panicked, and it is a complete whirlwind.

The messaging we have learned is that childbirth is something to be feared and dreaded. Everyone has a different story to tell, and some can definitely be scary to hear. It is a complete unknown. You have no idea what the pain will feel like until you’re in it, and you have no idea what will happen. It is only natural to feel scared and unsure.

When you are feeling so much fear around childbirth, there are some simple things that you can do to help ease that anxiety and help you feel more prepared and at ease with what is to come.

Focus on What You Can Control

Childbirth is an unknown, and a lot of it is out of your control. Most of pregnancy is trying your best to trust the process and trust your medical team. While some aspects of labor remain outside your control, there are steps you can take to prepare your mind, build a supportive team around you, and develop tools to help you feel more grounded and confident. 

So instead of focusing on all of the “what ifs,” focus on your birth plan. Even though you cannot guarantee the birth plan will happen, you can still create a plan that helps you feel at peace and in control if something were to happen. It also provides your team with expectations of how to help you and what to do each step of the way. Make a plan for what the environment will be like, what music you will listen to, and what you will bring.

Find Positive Birth Stories and Experiences

I cannot say enough how important it is to harness whatever positivity you can find. Pregnancy and childbirth are hard enough without negativity added to them. As much as you can, make sure that the delivery space is comfortable, and you feel as supported and prepared as you can. 

Find all of the positive videos and stories you can and listen to them when you have the time. Some may appreciate listening to them before they start the day, while others may like to listen to a story before they go to bed. However you choose to do so, try to make space for bringing in positivity. You can find these stories on YouTube or on podcasts. If there is any fear around a specific way you are giving birth, you can find stories for your specific situation by searching. I guarantee you there will be someone who has experienced something similar and had a positive outcome.

There is power in hearing someone else have the birth they wanted, and feeling their positive emotions and good energy. It can help you feel calmer and ready for your own due date.

Listen to Positive Affirmations

Search for positive affirmations tailored to preparing for childbirth, and listen to them in the morning and at night. The more your brain hears positive thinking, the more it will start to believe it. Listen and practice saying them to yourself. Feel your mind shift from fear to calm. 

There are many different kinds of positive affirmations out there. Search for postpartum ones, pregnancy anxiety, fear of childbirth, etc. Find ones specific to your need and listen to them daily. There is so much power in hearing positivity and helping your mind shift from negative thinking.

Build a Strong Birth Support Team

If it is within your means, see if you can get more support. Would you feel more comfortable with a doula? Are you able to have a loved one there? Is that loved one prepared to help you? There are a lot of resources available to teach your birth partner pain management tools to help support you. The more prepared they feel, the more prepared you feel. 

It is important to feel confident and at ease with who is in the room with you. If there is any doubt or uncertainty, that will impact your experience. Designate one person to hold your boundaries, because once you are in labor, it should no longer be up to you to advocate for yourself. This is something you can include in your birth plan as well.

You want the people in the room to be there for you first. They should be trusted to care for your well-being, and you should be comfortable with them seeing you vulnerable.

Breathing Techniques for Labor and Delivery

I cannot emphasize enough how powerful deep breathing can be during labor. There is definitive research on how breathing calms your nervous system and reduces tension.

Hypnobirthing by Siobhan Miller teaches different types of breathing techniques to help with the phases of labor. As you prepare for your due date, practice taking a slow breath in for four seconds and exhaling for eight seconds. The more familiar these techniques become, the easier they may be to access when you need them most. And most importantly, trust in its ability to help you feel calm. 

Once you start to feel those first waves of contractions come, start practicing that deep breathing. You can also turn on the positive affirmations to get yourself in that mindset. Start off your laboring journey in a way that helps you feel calm and prepared.

Therapy for Pregnancy Anxiety and Fear of Childbirth

If anxiety about childbirth is making it difficult to enjoy your pregnancy, therapy can provide a supportive space to ease your concerns and develop those coping strategies that will help during childbirth and parenthood.  

I offer therapy for pregnancy, postpartum adjustment, and perinatal mental health. To learn more, visit my pregnancy and postpartum page here. Sessions are available in person in Livermore and Pleasanton, as well as virtually for residents throughout California. If you're ready for support, contact me for a free consultation to learn more about my services.